Relaxing into Success Tip: Open Heart vs Guarded Heart Approach to Biz


I've discovered a secret.

One that I have intellectually understood, but only really "got" rather recently. (I like to thank my four month old daughter Ella for that! Something about having a baby makes your heart burst wide open to everything in life, including your biz.)

This secret can accelerate your success, create meaningful connections and make this "being in biz for yourself" a pleasure rather then a mountain to scale.

And it's this...

You can approach the challenges of self-employment with an open heart or a guarded heart. Your choice.

A guarded heart will look and feel like this... (Oh, and I've done all of these! )

  • Oh no! Someone else is already doing what I want to be doing! Are they better then me? More successful then me? How much are they charging? Drats.
  • Am I doing this right? I'm afraid if I do X in Y way, then they'll think less of me and I don't want to ENTER WHAT YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT.
  • I don't really have client experience and I'm trying to look like I have experience and it makes me feel tight and anxious. What if they find out!? I don't like this thing that happened, so instead of feeling it fully and letting it move through me, I'm going to kick into high gear and work even harder.
  • I'm ready to ENTER NEW INCOME BRACKET HERE but I'm afraid of what that will mean for me personally and professionally. So I'll keep unconsciously creating ways to protect myself from what I really want.

Basically, it's when you're protecting yourself from something you don't want to happen or don't want to feel. (Like failure, or feeling foolish or looking stupid.)

But it backfires and the thing you don't want to happen ends up hanging around, haunting you like a ghost.

But there's a better way.

Approaching your biz with an open heart.

An open heart approach looks like this...

  • When things happen that you don't like, or make you feel scared, vulnerable, doubtful, etc... rather then contract and shut down, open up, feel it fully and let it move through you. Have a good cry, do a little EFT, just let it out and let it move on, rather then live within you. 
  •  Gather the wisdom from the experience and keep going
  •  Repeat often

So how does this accelerate your success?

Whether you realize it or not, people can feel whether you're guarded or open.

Potential clients feel it. They may not be conscious about this, but they pick up on your vibe.

Colleagues feel it. And when you're in this place, you tend to bump into colleagues who also are guarded. Whatever you believe to be true is how you'll experience the world. (I have to remind myself of that everyday!)

And if you're in the "change people's lives for a living" business, your ability to attract bright, open and emotionally available clients mirrors your ability to be bright, open and emotionally available too.

Guarding of your heart in the countless ways you are challenged in private practice or running your own company is so easy to do. From email newsletter unsubscribes, to the vulnerability of being seen in the public eye, to clients bailing from your programs, to even clients enrolling in your programs, to finding good childcare so you can attend to your dreams, the list goes on, there are plenty of opportunities to experience something you don't like. But doing this is like driving with the emergency brake on. You might "get there," but not without blowing out your engine.

In the opening of your heart, your ego softens, you don't worry so much about positioning and posturing, and just do your thing. It creates closeness with others, your colleagues (the ones who are supportive and inspire you) and potential clients feel remarkably attractive to who you are and the work you do.

You essentially like yourself more and exude a sense of peace and contententment, even in the face of big dreams that feel so far out of reach. And this is a lot like cruising down the highway, in your favorite car, on a not too hot summer day with the windows down. Just feels perfectly in the flow of things!

So how do you begin to open your heart in the face of fear, doubt and anxiety as you embark in entrepreneurship?

Start with a pleasure diet. Soften yourself up with a daily dose of something fun and pleasureable, just cuz.

If you've been depleted of pleasure for awhile (guardedness does that), give yourself a couple weeks of doing this. It will do wonders for your mindset, spirit and sense of generosity when you fill your own cup.

Then ask yourself this: What's your vision for your practice? Beyond the helping others for a living. Is it to reach 100K, get your first 10 clients, or hire a new team so you can go to 250K or beyond? Something else?

Whatever it is, ask yourself, how would this FEEL if it came into being. Keep asking yourself this question until you get to a true feeling for you.

Would it feel freeing? Peaceful? Relaxed? Confident? There's no right or wrong answer.

Be sure to let your body answer it. It's not an intellectual thing.

You know you have your answer when your body feels delightful and you have words to describe that feeling that only make sense to you.

Then each day, do something to put yourself into this feeling state. (It doesn't have to be business related.

Do this BEFORE making a decision for your biz or choosing your next strategy.

And let this feeling be your anchor for all the decisions you want to make.

It will force you to pause and become aware of how you really feel about things and start making decisions based on what's in alignment for YOU.

And that's the only way to make working for yourself work for you.

Here's to living and working in alignment,


PS - IIN Alumni, want to learn more about this topic? Come to my free call on March 19th, 2013. Details are here: